Doors
by Miss Malice
Summary: What if a certain Padawan ran a bit faster? An old AU story... It's got about everything but candles & champagne ;)


Doors

> Disclaimer: not mine, as usual. Don't send Sith Hell dogs after me ;-) 
> 
> A/N: nothing explicit, but... Caveat Lector! 
> 
> **Doors**
> 
> **~**
> 
> Darth Maul fell for a long, long time. Qui-Gon watched until the remains of the Sith warrior had disappeared in the darkness below. A gust of hot dry wind blew out of the shaft like the last breath and caught up in the long strands of his hair. Then he heard a sigh and a muffled tinkle and turned round. Obi-Wan dropped his lightsabre – a weapon which minutes ago was an extension of his hand. 
> 
> "Obi-Wan?" 
> 
> He got no response. His Padawan did not move, still like a statue, his head down, studying the floor. Having not had seen with his own eyes, one would have never believed of what this statue was capable in a battle! Well, Qui-Gon would rather not trust his own eyes now. An illusion. A perfect one. 
> 
> "You are not wounded," it was hard, even for a Jedi Master, to see anything in that mad fight, but his apprentice seemed not to be touched. Obi-Wan confirmed it by shaking his head. A ray of light, at last. 
> 
> ...And, Force, it was hard! To stand and not to sink down to the floor, to keep breathing, to make such a simple move. Talking aloud was _too_ much. Obi-Wan was not wounded, he was tired out. He did not feel any pain or regret, he did not feel anything since the great wheel of fortune had turned. Oh, it passed over him with all its weight. He's got it made. The future, one of the versions possible, had been successfully erased forever. And there he stood, frozen, in a moment without past, without future, barely able to perceive familiar voices from some other world far, far away... And then a very familiar hand emerged from that distant world and rested on his shoulder. 
> 
> "Look at me." 
> 
> He obeyed, mostly instinctively, having no strength for a battle of words nor will to resist. 
> 
> Qui-Gon's eyes met his glassy stare. The Jedi Master saw a pale blank face, indifference and exhaustion written upon it. Features so dear were set in a weird mask, and Qui-Gon did not dare tell what was behind it. His Obi-Wan, the man he thought he knew, had suddenly turned into something... dangerously elusive. He looked in those glazed eyes and felt as if he were standing in front of a locked door, having lost the key. He could only hope the door would open by itself. But not now, not here. 
> 
> There was no need to fight any more. The hand just squeezed his shoulder lightly, leading the way. 
> 
> "Come. Let's get out of here." 
> 
> _Yes... Master._
> 
> ~ 
> 
> ...It was dark in the beginning, but darkness could not frighten him any more. He had seen it all. He had stepped close enough, maybe too close. And still he was not a part of it – yet. Because even in the darkness he was not alone. A presence - he felt it as well as his own cloak wrapped around him, although he did not remember putting it on. He could remember years, long years spent without the sense of that presence, but he could not imagine living without it now. It has become as natural as the air he breathed, as necessary as breath. And, as he came to realize, his greatest flaw. Because everything he was about to become was now lost. In the dark. 
> 
> Silence, and it was his turn to speak now. 
> 
> "Where are we?" - though it did not really matter. _We_ and _are_, and where you would like to. 
> 
> "In our quarters, in the Royal Palace of Naboo." 
> 
> Obi-Wan smiled. Their quarters. For the first time in this accursed mission they had a place reserved... How nice. _It's better, anyway... considering the alternative._
> 
> "Why is it so dark?" 
> 
> "It's night." 
> 
> He heard a soft rustle, and the window shields opened, exposing a square of midnight blue. Four bright stars shone in the sky, so beautiful, so lonely, so far away. And he still could not see anything inside the room. Maybe all that remained were two phantom voices in the dark. 
> 
> _And even this is better than..._
> 
> Meanwhile, reality was getting to him. 'Naboo Royal Palace' meant that the greater battle had been won. The planet has been freed, the Queen remained the Queen, the Federation... oh. _Force._ Anakin Skywalker... His mind revolted, sending a light wave of pain through his head. The past had fallen into separate pieces, memory snapshots, fragments he was not sure he was able to put together, even if there was much sense in it, for he would not tell what happened to infamous Obi-Wan Kenobi, either. 
> 
> Then the other voice began to speak, flatly, simply recounting the recent events. Obi-Wan leaned back and was glad to find a wall there. Close, it was so damn _close_! Sith... He closed his eyes, feeling now the cold pulsing pain in his temples. If the others were not blind, they would have to do something about it now. _The _others_, o my..._
> 
> "I would like to hear _your _story, Obi-Wan." 
> 
> The voice resounded right behind him. Obi-Wan jumped: there was _a wall_ covered with tapestry, and cold stone beneath it. Phantom, eh? 
> 
> "I – I have nothing to tell. I don't even remember how I got here." 
> 
> It was not quite a lie, half a lie but the same disgrace. Maybe there would be a better chance. 
> 
> "Little Anakin is a big hero," he said. _As you wanted... as you've seen it to be._
> 
> "He is," Qui-Gon replied, almost sadly. "And he _must_ be trained in the Jedi ways." _It would be too dangerous to neglect such powers._
> 
> "Yes," Obi-Wan agreed immediately, mostly with the unspoken part. 
> 
> Qui-Gon stared at him, surprised. He had not found the key yet, but maybe he was about to find the secret of the lock. His apprentice sat there under the wall, all shields raised, arms wrapped around him in a gesture of defence as an additional barrier. And he could not do anything to break it, to ease the tension. Force, he did not want to _break in_, he just wanted to _know_. 
> 
> Forget in order to remember. Forget everything else to hold only one. Stubborn as he's been so often said to be, Qui-Gon was not going to lose. 
> 
> He sensed a careful approach, so delicate, and he also felt the distance kept. As if there was a line Qui-Gon Jinn could not cross. Or did not want to. He would like to say it to his face, "I know I am a great failure. But I do not care." To the Council – yes, but not to his Master, for he _did_ care. A failure, but not a liar, for his pride's sake if not for anything else. Pride, hate, fear – what else he needed to complete his fall? 
> 
> "Tell me," it was said beyond a whisper, and a shadow darker than the night itself appeared in front of him, much closer than he thought. A star lit electric blue fire in the shadow's right eye. "It was so much not like you. You fought like... like a Sith!" 
> 
> _And better than a Sith, that's bad._
> 
> "Why so?" 
> 
> Obi-Wan licked his dry lips. 
> 
> "Because I wanted to kill... to destroy that... thing. I had to." 
> 
> There. He saw stars fading in those eyes. _You know now. Say it then and let's stop the game._
> 
> "You did not kill in anger." The voice did not change. There was a great fatigue in it, but no disappointment. Not an emotion, in fact. 
> 
> "No, I did not." 
> 
> "Why then?" 
> 
> Obi-Wan shrugged. 
> 
> "Does it matter?" 
> 
> "Yes," his Master said softly, despite of a flash in his eyes. 
> 
> Obi-Wan shook his head no. It was not wise to argue, but arguing was much wiser than... telling the truth, for example. 
> 
> Qui-Gon's silhouette dissolved in the shadows of the suite. Obi-Wan sighed soundlessly and lowered his head on his knees. Coward. 
> 
> The silence enveloped them ringing in thick cool air. The door half opened. 
> 
> "What have you seen?" 
> 
> He should have known better! Gotcha. Unawares. Unarmed. 
> 
> "I had an insight, I think... I know. I've seen the future... A possible future." The words escaped his lips with much effort. 
> 
> "Which one?" 
> 
> "It will never happen," Obi-Wan whispered. It was so hard, to kill. 
> 
> "_What_ have you _seen_, Obi-Wan?" 
> 
> That voice had a strange effect on him. It mesmerized him, making him speak out against his will. He guessed it was some kind of a mind trick, a trick of his own mind... 
> 
> "I've seen terrible things." _I sound like Jar Jar Binks_. "The Galaxy in chaos of a civil war." 
> 
> "The Republic against..?" 
> 
> "There was no more Republic... Only blood, darkness and terror. No more _peace and justice_. The Order reduced to a handful of outlaws hiding at the outskirts of the Galaxy." The room disappeared before his eyes. He was seeing it again, living through it again... The agony. He cursed his gift for insights, but it was too late. He could not stop. "I've seen Anakin... turned to the Dark Side." He could not stop, he could not speak any more, he could not... breathe... 
> 
> "It will never happen." The words knocked him out of the horror of the vision. _Maybe. The future is uncertain, how can you be sure?_ But Qui-Gon did not let him feel that holding him, physically pulling him out of the nightmare. And it worked. Obi-Wan relaxed, restoring his breath, and Qui-Gon felt his pulse slowing down to normal. Holding gently this trembling body, too fragile for the spirits outrageous, he wished the night could last twice as long and the spirits find repose in normal sleep. But there was also one question still remaining. 
> 
> "What made you _believe_ that, Obi-Wan?" 
> 
> It was so much unlike his Padawan, to let it go on raw instincts! Trained at their best, feelings were to be trusted carefully, using proper control, and Obi-Wan Kenobi had it all, control and care. And today, suddenly, he had lost it all in an instant. For no human being, not even a Jedi, could make a rational decision in no time. For there was more than a path to the far future. 
> 
> Obi-Wan bit his lip. He tried to look away, to avoid his Master's keen searching gaze, but there was no use for it. He preferred now to live through thousand of visions, to fight another Sith, maybe, anything but not that... And his Master was patiently waiting for an answer. 
> 
> "Take a guess," he finally managed to say in a miserably broken voice, then he sprang up and fled... 
> 
> ...leaving Qui-Gon Jinn at a total loss. Whatever happened there, in the battle, he knew who was to blame _now_. The dark room blurred blocked out by the clear vision of his apprentice's eyes filled with tears. If there was someone able to reduce Obi-Wan to tears, it was him, his Master. It hurt badly, worse than a lethal wound. Lethal... But of course. Qui-Gon stopped losing precious time in useless regrets and went out, through the wide open door, to find what he had almost lost. 
> 
> ~ 
> 
> He followed the trace, what was left of their bond, like a thread tight and tangled in knots, threatening to break any minute. Through dark halls, narrow passages and echoing corridors he followed the phantom thread binding him to life. And he finally found Obi-Wan stopped in the middle of the way as a man who does not know where he goes. 
> 
> The majestic palace seemed empty, deserted, its numerous inhabitants too tired or too busy with numerous chores inside to enjoy the beauty of the night. It was so quiet outside, on a terrace high above the waterfalls; splash of the water and rustle of leaves in the gardens reached the heights as the most delicate whispers. And when he heard that voice again, it was barely louder than those night sounds. 
> 
> "We are not immortal, you know." 
> 
> "Yes." 
> 
> Obi-Wan looked into the dark blue abyss, letting the wind dry wet traces on his face. They were not immortal. It was a part of the circle. A part of the greater scheme of things. He did not even think of the consequences, rushing to Qui-Gon's side and throwing himself at the fierce Sith... He did not think of himself, of losing _his_ life. Only of losing something more dear than life. He had lost it anyway, but... then again, how could he lose something he did not possess? Gentle wind blew the thoughts away, leaving him a simple pleasure of standing beside - not an immortal being, but one still alive. 
> 
> Alive. 
> 
> He might have said it aloud, or it just... 
> 
> "Yes, alive." Qui-Gon's words were carried away with the same wind. He turned to Obi-Wan, a sad smile touched his face. "Thank you." 
> 
> _What?.._
> 
> Qui-Gon sighed. "I may be growing old and slow, but I am not a blind fool." 
> 
> "I didn't mean to..." 
> 
> Qui-Gon silenced him, pressing a finger to his lips, then wiped the last traces of tears from his face. "You will tell me that... later, Obi-Wan. The whole story from the beginning." _The night is long._
> 
> Obi-Wan leaned into the touch. It still felt like a dream, almost unreal. In a short instant he saw himself lost out of time and space again... But strong fingers tracing the lines of his face and stroking through his hair told him he was not dreaming. 
> 
> "Telling prophecies is always easier than fulfilling them," said Qui-Gon Jinn tugging lightly at his braid. 
> 
> "I guess I have much to learn about that." 
> 
> "Yes, in time." _And I promise it to you. All my time._
> 
> ...and summer nights on Naboo _were_ long. 
> 
> ~ 
> 
> The END


End file.
